Isabella's Lament
by Acidbuk
Summary: FemHawk/Isabella. When Hawk fought the Arishok, Isabella had fled Kirkwall, Now after three years of regret Isabella returns to Kirkwall wondering if she has lost Hawk forever and how she can fix her mistakes.


**A/N:** One Shot, Dragon Age, Isabella/FemHawk, Not been Beta Read. Updated to Fix errors.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Dragon Age, Blah Blah, Don't Sue Me Etc. Etc.

**Rating**: BBFC Rating PG-13

**Isabella's Lament**

Isabella stood at the bar in the hang man, she swayed slightly from one too many as she slugged back another ale; she wanted to get drunk, and not little league drunk, no she wanted to get full on frat boy on a ten day bender drunk. She felt sick to her stomach and it wasn't the booze either, though that probably didn't help.

Three Years had passed now since the Qunari had occupied Kirkwall and been defeated by Hawke; The Qunari and that damn relic; what was she supposed to do, she had lied to Hawke for years about it, told her she didn't know what it was, Hawke had trusted her and she had betrayed that trust; of course she had done that before and never had felt this bad about it. But this time was different, she wasn't sure why, that wasn't true she did know why, she just didn't want to admit it to herself or anyone else for that matter, the thought terrified her. Hawke had fought the Arishok. Isabella looked down shameful from the memory as she chugged her ale, the waitress Nora bringing another to her table, after she lied for years, betrayed her trust, disappointed her at every turn but Hawke still fought for her Why?

It should have been her, it was her fault, it was her fault the Qunari were even in Kirkwall, when she had told Hawke, Hawke had just shrugged in that way she does and given her the Relic anyway, much to Aveline's disapproval, Hawke hadn't even raised her voice, it was a terrible thing Hawke's fury, she never said a word after that, but the crestfallen look of disappointment on her face, the way her lip trembled, Hawke was angry, furious, not because this whole mess was her fault, but because she lied to her about it. The Amount of trust that Hawke put in her, she truly didn't know, any more than she knew why she had lied to Hawke all these years, maybe at first because she didn't know where the mage would stand, but after that, after she got a feel for the her, in every sense of the word surely then she should have told her? Should have just _explained_ to her the way it was.

Isabella shook her head; no she had never relied on anyone her entire life, the world is small, nasty and complicated and; then you die. When things got too hard, Isabella ran, never get involved in anything you can't walk away from in thirty seconds so she took her relic and ran away, fleeing Kirkwall, The Qunari, and Hawke, most of all Hawke. The woman had a way of seeing through her, behind the masks to the person underneath more than Aveline and a hundred of her guards ever could. It scared her to think Hawke had fallen for her so hard, it scared her more to think she had fallen for Hawke. She was half way to Ostwick before she decided to come back, she heard the news third hand the Qunari had over run the city overwhelmed the defence and occupied it, reports said the plumes of smoke could be seen for miles, it would almost certainly lead to all out war and now Hawke was right smack damn in the middle of the whole thing she had no doubt. Pangs of guilt, another new feeling for Isabella pulled at her core; she'd never felt guilty before about anything she had done; but she couldn't get that disappointed look out of her head, it haunted her dreams when she slept, and her waking moments when she let her mind wander. She'd thrown herself into drinking; to help numb the guilt and shame, to suppress that clear image in her head of Hawks face; if only for a little while, but every morning she'd wake up sober enough for it to all flood back to her.

"_You alone are Basalit-an, This is what respect looks like bas!. Some of you will never earn it!", The Arishok had said, his deep voice booming over the keep as he talked about Hawke as he eyed the woman a mix of admiration and respect clear in his eyes, eyes that would send most men running for the hills but only made the mage stand firmer_

"_I will return to Por Vallen", The Arishok agreed; "With the Thief"_

Isabella had backed away, taking to steps before being stopped by a firm hand on her shoulder that happened to be attached to the human shaped battering ram clad in her guard full plate that had seen more than its wear of battle today. Reality seemed to liquefy and melt, or was she crying? Maybe that was it. She expected Hawke to hand her over, everyone did, it would have been the easy way out, sacrifice one for the many, that was how these things worked, her life for everyone else's, it was an easy decision, it was the sensible decision, the pragmatic decision

"_No", Hawke had said shaking her head, the look in her eye like ice;"I won't hand her over"_

Isabella's heart had nearly jumped out of her chest at each word, she blinked; as her knees went limp and she struggled to stay upright and push down the lump in her throat, The Arishok however looked from the Hawke to Isabella, with a mix of respect and admiration for Hawke deepen further as one eyebrow raised, or at least what passed for eyebrows on a Qunari. Reality snapped into place at the pain from the clamping down of Aveline's gauntlet arm which was way to tight on her shoulder. She swore lady man-hands might break it not so 'accidentally', even Fenris, the normally broody unreadable elf stood nearby sending looks at her that screamed bloody murder..

"_You would fight for this Basra-Vashedan?, The Arishok spoke; "She is unworthy"_

"_Hawke...I'm not sure this is a good idea...", Aveline began._

"_Yes", Hawke said, without hesitation silencing Aveline mid protest.; "I will fight"_

The Arishok looked back and forth between Hawke, and Isabella, with an inquisitive look; as if trying to reconcile something in his own mind between the two before his stare met Hawks eyes; Hawke for her part had a look on her face that Isabella had never seen before, she had seen Hawke's many facets of her personality over the years, she wore them on her face like most people wore make-up, the cocky sarcasm, the loving daughter, the supportive sister, the lover in the throws of orgasm when she dropped all pretences, but that day she saw something new. There was no cocky arrogance, or air of sarcasm to her like she usually carried as her defence mechanism, no jovial humour to her face just a grim resolve in her eyes, like cold ice and steel. This was the look of a soldier going to war weighing up an enemies weakness and how to exploit hem with lethal efficiency.

"_Very well, Hawke,_ _**Ataash varin kata!**__" The battle cry resonated through the stone walls. _

It still amazed Isabella even now, after all she had done, after running her like she had, Hawke had fought for her against the Qunari, _refused_ to hand her over even though she _deserved_ it. If Hawke had handed her to the Qunari it would have been so much easier, she wouldn't have blamed Hawke if she had but instead of handing her over like she should have, Hawke even though she was hurt, angry and more than a feeling a little betrayed still had agreed to duel the Arishok to the death no less - over her own protests without even hesitating for a moment. That was love, that was her worst fear, that Hawke would die, for _her_, she had ran from love her entire life, only to have it swallow her whole. What if Hawke died, Isabella couldn't take that, did Hawke even consider that? Isabella the pirate thieving whore did not consider herself worthy of such sacrifice.

The Battle had been, Impressive, _Apocalyptic_ would be a better description, in all the things she had seem all the places she had been Isabella had never seen anything like it, nothing as dangerous as a Hawke enraged, nothing as dangerous as a Hawke fighting for something she believed in, to protect something, _someone_ that she loved. Isabella shuddered at the memory as she finished her Ale in one go, with a small hiccup; ordering another.

Hawke had given herself to the very force she had fought all her life to ignore, to control, to push down deep inside and pretend it wasn't there. Hawke surrendered herself to her magic, let go of all her barriers, to let her magic take her, envelop her and fought like a vengeful god for _her,_ Every spell cast in her name, again and a again with the fury of an unrelenting hurricane, a force of nature as primal and tidal as wind and rain or the sea.

Isabella knew how Hawke felt about her magic, she felt that her magic was a curse, she never wanted it, scorned it, hated it and herself for being born a Mage, hated being an _Apostate _even more, Anders would call her 'small minded and leashed' but it was Hawke's choice to keep such a tight rein on herself and it broke Isabella to see Hawke surrender herself to her power, so willingly, To summon it forward not in small reluctant, measured and controlled amounts, as she always did in battle before – never more than she had to and even then as a last resort but as a mighty torrent, a flood of power surging through her veins, her being. It had radiated off her in small golden and amber licks like an angry fog

Whatever Anders may say, the training wheels were off and her girl was _free and look at her! look at her girl go!, _like fire, and ice and rage, burning like a storm in the heart of the sun ancient and forever._ it was amazing, it was glorious, it was rebirth. _Hawke had hammered the Arishok relentlessly, every time he tried to fight back, she would dodge and weave using her bladed staff to deflect and counter, the pain of back handed blows only seemed to make her stronger, her emotions, the memories – the hurt, the joy the pain, the kindness, the anguish, the love, it drove her on, mixing into a furious storm, every time Isabella thought Hawke had reached her peak she would find new reserves, new power, new heights and push forward through it.

"_Maker, you will not have her!"_

She remembered the invocation clearly spoken with such conviction it made her shudder then and now. Anders mouth had fallen open wordlessly as apocalyptic fire had engulfed the Arishok, not only searing flesh but melting bone swirling around him black, purple and orange dancing around his limbs slowly at first then faster, _Finish him off girl_ The Arishok collapsed in a heap with a loud thud., the other Qunari looked stunned.

"_We Shall return", he had said. _

"_But not today", Hawke had replied. _

Anders had just looked on terrified, 'The Little Mage that was' had finally found her way home, Isabella wondered if Justice can know fear, and if he can if he is afraid. Part of her hopes he is. The battle over, drained of adrenalin and exhausted Hawke swayed on her feet, blood trickled down her mouth, face scratched and bruised, holding her shoulder limp, she looked like hell Isabella wanted to go to her side but Aveline held her back, her iron grip still on her shoulder and her other hand by the fore arm as she tried to squirm out of her grip, all of her instinct telling her to go to Hawks side but Aveline was having none of it.

Magic still crackled around Hawke, in small arcs, like a aura of light burning sunshine, in yellows, golds and orange hues evaporating into the winds, Hawke watched the Qunari file out one by one with the book, none of them dared look at her for fear they would meet the same fate as their leader; who was now a bloodied burnt out husk of still glowing embers and ash. As they left, then and only then Hawke collapsed to her knees, all strength leaving her, staff clattering to the ground.

Isabella finally squirmed her way out of Aveline's man-hand grip before she could catch her again and rushed to Hawks side, taking her into a tight embrace, magical power crackling against her skin like small shocks that made her tingle. Isabella kissed her deeply small sparks of magic entwining the kiss; then slapped her hard.

"_You Stupid Stupid Fool!, she chastised, then kissed her again; "You shouldn't have done that"_

"_So this is the thanks I get huh?", Hawke said , exhaustion clear in her voice. _

Aveline had watched silently in awe, tears rolling down her cheeks, Isabella didn't know, couldn't know why she was crying, Isabella ran that night, ran from Kirkwall, ran from Hawke, ran from herself.

"Well Roll me in breadcrumbs and dip me in shit" Varric strolled up to Isabella who was now sat down at one of the tables, lost in thought she startled at his greeting breaking her out of her memories; "Long time no see Rivani?" he added in his soft smoky voice that made women all over Kirkwall swoon.

"_Varric_", Isabella said, slurring her words slightly from one too many ales; "Good to see you _dwarf_, Come drink with me" she cheered, happy to focus on anything but Hawke and her own mind. Varric plopped himself down in the seat opposite Isabella, folded his arms into a steeple pose on the small wooden table as he ordered a drink from Nora; more than happy to comply for her favourite customer. No one could resist the chest hair after all.

"So you been in town long?", Varric asked as Nora arrived with his tankard. He took a sip waiting for Isabella to answer/

"Few Days", Isabella said curtly.

"So have you seen Hawke yet?", Varric asked, straight to the point as always faster than Bianca on a bad Varric had been waiting three years for this opportunity, had played this moment through his mind several times – to give Isabella a piece of his mind.

"No", Isabella said; "Makers balls, _no_"

"Its been three years Rivani", Varric slides into the topic gently or what he considers gently though perhaps with as much subtlety as a war hammer; "Hawke was...", He pauses and hesitates no single word really described how Hawke had taken her lovers absence "its been hard for her", he said finally.

"I know that.". Isabella says defensively; "Its not exactly been a picnic for me either you know"

"_Right_", Varric said with a sarcastic grunt; "Because she ran out on you for three years without even a goodbye or a wave or a note. Oh wait no that was you"

"_Don't _Varric", Isabella said warningly.

"Hawke is my best friend Rivaini, she's done right by me even when others would have left me to rot, whatever personal issues you and Hawke had", Varric said pausing " We were the ones that picked up the pieces after you ran away Rivaini. You broke her heart that day you know" Varric pressed, it was unlike him but he was angry, angry at Isabella for strolling in here three years after the fact like she thought she could just pick up where she left off.

"I never expected her to fight for me", Isabella said slumping into her seat and looking down; "I never wanted her too"

"I don't think anyone expected her to" Varric sighed looking away; "But that's Hawke, she never does what anyone expects, if she did who would listen to my stories?" he added with a soft chuckle; "It wasn't the fight that broke her; she'd have done that for any of us; it was even that you lied to her for years. It was running of to who knows where without even so much as a good bye", Varric said; "You could have explained it to her, you could have told her the truth, she may even have forgiven you"

"I didn't know how to fix this; I still don't, I'm just tired of running", Isabella said looking at him, searching his face uncertainty in her eyes; "She's a champion, I'm just a lying thieving snake "

"You think she gives a damn about being a sodding champion?", Varric begins; "She cares about you Rivaini, it was always about you"

"That doesn't make her right", Isabella said; "I'm not worth here time, or her trust"

"I doubt Hawke would agree", Varric spoke.

"I need a drink", Isabella replied changing the subject; "I need a lot of drinks"

"I think you should go see her", Varric answered as he ordered another round not letting is friend wiggle out of it so easily; "Since your in town and all"

"Varric, I don't know how to fix this", Isabella said simply shaking her head; "I don't even know if it can be fixed.. I got scared and I ran, what if she doesn't even want me back?", she paused; "I've really messed this up", Isabella said.

"There isn't anyone else, Rivani", Varric said contemplatively; not for a lack of trying in some quarters either; "Blondie and Elf were sniffing around her like a bitch in heat, I think even Daisy has a crush on her", Varric added with a soft smile "even Aveline has tried setting her up with some of her guards", he chuckled at how well that had gone down. Three years was a long time after all, there were dalliances of course, Hawke wasn't a saint and she had needs like anyone else but nothing serious.

"Not to mention the nobles have been trying to install her as viscount ...something she has so far neatly sidestepped"

He saw Isabella's face fall.

"Hawks had none of it", Varric said; "Hell about the only person she flirts with is me, and we all know she doesn't really mean that"

Isabella knew that Anders was after Hawke for years, well between insulting her for not using her magic more, Fenris though was much more of a surprise to Isabella; especially given his distaste for Mages of any kind.

"Kindness can be mighty alluring to those who've never had it Rivaini... or terrifying", Varric said; "I heard a rumour, that Blondie went up there to the Hawke estate a few weeks ago"

"She was all very polite, and amicable thanked him for visiting, he tried to kiss her then went into a tirade about how she shouldn't hold out for you and should look for more _accessible_ options with people she has more in common with", Varric began snorting; "She about threw him out of the house on his Feather Pauldron ass",

Isabella laughed; "He can get so uppity and self-righteous, I remember some of what he would say to her about not using her magic more"

"Yes he can", Varric agreed; "I mean I like the guy, but he's a lot of work, not what Hawke needs or wants that and lacks the appropriate...equipment"

Isabella smirked; "And; no manly chest hair"

"That too", Varric laughed; "Ladies love the chest hair. Hawks been carrying a lot of repressed rage for a long time, I don't think she's repressed any more", Varric joked; easily.

I guess you have some more stories now anyway?", Isabella asked, ignoring the question

"Of course", Varric said letting it slide; "Hawke carving her way through the Qunari occupying force, laying siege to the keep and defeating the Arishok in single combat in front of the entire nobility may take up an entire chapter by itself, the last few years though have been...interesting"

"Interesting?", Isabella said with a small smile.

"You hear things Rivani, Whispers of Mages going missing, whole family's disappearing in Lowtown, too many empty warrens for it to be the Carta or the Coatarie", Varric replied; "and if anyone asks too many questions, they disappear soon after - the bodies wash up on the docks a bit later, Varric said with a wave of his hand taking a sip from his tankard."Templar patrols into the city have increased dramatically to try to deal with the 'Mage Underground', they are not even pretending to bring Apostates in any more most cases just running 'em through right on the spot", Varric continued; "my sources tell me that the Chantry barely has any control over the Order now"

"Others say the Knight Commander's cheese has finally slipped off her cracker", Varric said lowering his voice into a hushed whisper; "about the only thing keeping the peace right now is Hawke where she can", Varric paused. "This whole damn city is a powder-keg waiting to blow, Anders stoking the fire isn't helping"

"With Hawke right in the middle", Isabella said.

"Unfortunately", Varric agreed; "As Champion both sides are trying to posture for her support, Cullen, Meredith, Anders, Osino they all want her weight behind them since she is the closest thing this city has to a viscount right now regardless of wanting it or not, the people like her, she's a symbol. Where she stands others follow so all of them have come to her to solve their problems"

" She's walking a delicate line, she can't take sides but more importantly she can't be seen to take sides or made to look like she has", Varric noted; "That Templar, Cullen, and Osino understand what she's trying to do; trying to keep the peace but it infuriates Anders that Hawke won't take a stand for the Mages"

"She hates politics, Mage, Templar, it doesn't matter to her they're all just men in skirts", Isabella said, feeling far to sober for her liking; "She'd prefer to stay out of the whole thing"

Varric nodded in agreement; "Certainly and I happen to think its the right call, its what I'd do"

"I sense a But?", Isabella asked.

"But", Varric smiled; "I'm not the Champion, Hawke is."

"I wish she had never been given that sodding title", Isabella said sourly.

"I bet Hawke does too", Varric agrees.

"What do you think of this whole Champion thing?", Isabella asked.

"Mixed blessing; being an apostate as Champion she's safe from the Templar's,", Varric answered; "They won't dare touch her now, not unless they want a full blown uprising on their hands but everyone wants a piece of her these days", Varric said; "She could do with someone like you to keep her safe"

"I'm just a thief and a whore Varric, she could do better", Isabella said.

"Not in a million years", Varric disagreed;

"Flattery Varric", Isabella grinned; "What would Bianca say"

**( )**

Isabella enters the Hawke estate, and it was the Hawke estate, not Amell estate, not any more, she heard the soft tones of convocation and followed them gingerly, to a small room on the upper floor where Lady Hawke was currently sat at a wooden desk, Merrill was sat on Hawks bed, chatting away. Isabella always noted how cheerful Merrill voice was; almost musical it was hard to depress the elf, Hawks voice was more relaxed and patient; like a mentor teaching a student, Isabella imagined it might have been how she talked to Bethany when she was alive.

Hawke smiled at Merrill and stood up; she was wearing a delicate off-pink skirt, and purple tunic blouse, with an even darker shade of purple bodice corset over it, different than her usual attire she would wear into battle, or out onto the streets of High Town, or low town for that matter more relaxed, more regal, Isabella noticed how the colours were vibrant making her stand out and framing her slender features, her dark hair coming down in small cascades of black, much longer than she'd seen it three years ago. Isabella remembered when they first met and Hawks hair had been cut short almost like a boy and scruffy. Now she looked almost the perfect image of nobility, if you didn't know her that is.

"I should go", Merrill said sweetly "Thank you for the tea, and the books I appreciate it"

"You don't have to go on my account Kitten", Isabella said, keeping her tone level but silently she did want her to leave, hoped that Merrill wouldn't take up the offer to stay. She wondered just when she had gotten so possessive, shaking her head it wasn't healthy. She appraised Merrill, as she would any fine jewel or treasure, the elf looked youthful and bright eyed but she was Dalish; Merrill could be a hundred years old and barely still a child in her own peoples eyes, Isabella had no idea how old she really was.

"I really should its getting late", Merrill said

Merrill blushed and drew Hawke into a tight hug, Hawke looked stiff in the embrace, Isabella knew that Hawke was not a 'huggy' kind of person and she had difficulty showing affection to others, hide behind a joke and a smile and they never see who you really were, others that were not Isabella that is, oh the jokes were still there, but she was more open, more affectionate, it was the little things like the brush of an elbow, or a hand on a knee.

"Your Welcome", Hawke said her tone soft even with the unease, "Be Careful"

Merrill held onto the hug for far to long for Isabella's tastes, watching the elf carefully, the way her body shifted against Hawke, the way she breathed in her scent and sighed as Hawke tried to placate herself from the embrace by petting Merrill on the back carefully, in Hawke Speak that was a gentle nudge for _'Please let go of me'_ Merrill however seemed oblivious – clearly she did not speak Hawke yet. Pangs of Jealousy shifted through Isabella as she watched Merrill finally relent out of the embrace, an annoyance at the pit of her stomach, there was that possessive feeling again. Hawke petted Merrill on the head gently, as one would a faithful canine; which made Isabella giggle

Hawke handed Merrill her ball of twine, a gift from Varric when she first moved to the city that had been kept dear to her heart, Isabella wondered why Merrill still needed it, perhaps she just had no sense of direction at all or maybe it was purely sentimental attachment. For the better part of three years now Hawke had been training Merrill; ever since her battle with the Arishok, Teaching her Spells, incantations and charms taking her on almost like an apprentice. If she were a Circle Mage, Isabella wonders if Hawke would have made a good Enchanter, she thinks she would have. Hawke hoped that she could convince the elf she no longer needed to consort with demons but Merrill would not be detoured. The Elf was suborn though, Hawke had reprimanded her several times for using 'Blood Magic' over the years, prejudices are hard to over come, every fibre of her being told her Merrill was dangerous, to herself, to others and that one day she would have to end her, it was best not to get to attached even so though, Merrill was sweet and kind it was hard for anyone to overlay the image of a blood thirsty abomination with the innocent elf..

Hawke had never used much magic until now; until that fight with the Arishok, Merrill had just assumed that Hawke was bitter because she knew more Magic than Hawke did; she could not have been more wrong, Hawke was amazing, she had never seen so much power in one person, to have hidden it all away, Merrill did not understand.

Isabella laughed to herself, Maybe she was trying to kill her with kindness.

Normally one of them would volunteer to walk Merrill home, but not tonight, Isabella's eyes met Hawks, searching for answers in the blue orbs, she wanted to know if her woman was sleeping with the Dalish; she knew Hawke was heartbroken after she left, ran away more like, perhaps Merrill had provided comfort and succour to _her_ dear Marian Hawke, all manner of fanciful scenarios ran through her mind. One pushed through the rest - that was new, when did Hawke become _her woman_? Hawke relaxed as Merrill left, Isabella could see the tension leaving her in waves, she wanted to ask, to accuse but the look in her eye , answered all of her questions, said more than words ever could. Hawke put several books back on her shelves without saying a word.

"Look Hawke...", Isabella began.

"Three Years", Hawke said.

"You're mad aren't you?", Isabella asked.

"Oh I've moved beyond mad and working well into _furious_", Hawke said turning from the shelf to meet her gaze; "You turn up after three years and what? You expect me to roll out the red carpet, maybe put on a band?"

"I Deserved that", Isabella said stiffly.

"Yes you bloody well did", Hawke said; "Why did you leave?"

"I had to figure some things out", Isabella replied weakly.

"and it took three _years_?", Hawke asked incensed. "You're a better liar than this"

"I'm not great at this kind of thing you know", Isabella said defensively; "Look I was scared"

"Scared?" Hawks voice soften; "Of what?"

"Do you remember what you said to me when I brought that damn relic back?", Isabella asked.

Hawke looked thoughtful for a moment as if searching her memory; "I was proud of you for doing the right thing, that you cared about the city of Kirkwall more than you let on"

"When you fought the Qunari I thought...", Isabella paused before trying again "I didn't do any of it for sodding Kirkwall, I did it for you, it was always about you. It scared me how much that mattered, how much you mattered." Hawke eyed Isabella carefully, her eyes appraising the woman who sifted uncomfortable under such scrutiny; Hawks posture softened and the anger ebbed away.

"Then they made you bloody Champion and I felt like we had nothing in common any more; I mean you look at you a high town noble, a champion and me, I lie, I cheat, I steal That's all I'll ever be", Isabella paused; "I don't deserve someone like you"

"You think I give a damn what anyone else thinks?", Hawke asked her voice raising just a little. "I'm a Mage, I'm corrupt by an accident of Birth to them already; oh they love me now while the memory of me saving their lives is fresh but in another three years? Ten? I'll be sent to the gallows just like any other Mage, I don't give a sodding damn what any of them think"

Hawke paused; "I do care what you think, Bella, I always did"

"I've messed this up so badly", Isabella whispered quietly looking down at her feet.

Hawke crossed the room, coming close to Isabella, and taking her hand in her own, raising her other to Isabella cheek and pushing her hair our of her eye, delicately, as if she was touching something precious as she lifted her chin delicately

"I was never angry with you", Hawke said pausing "Oh Aveline was furious but It never mattered to me I was sad you lied to me, you could have told me, I would have understood" Hawke kept her hand on Isabella's cheek, her fingers delicately dancing on her skin while her thumb stroked just below her eye. "'Bella, you are my friend, my lover, my partner in crime", Hawke said with a soft smile; "I don't care what anyone else says, I would do _anything_ for you, I thought that you knew that"

Isabella resisted the urge and looked down instead subconsciously pushing herself more into Hawks touch; how she had missed this.

"and what happens when I disappoint you again?", Isabella asked; "I won't change you know...I don't know how"

"I've never expected more from you than you were willing to give", Hawke said her voice softer; gently, it was the voice she used to reserve for Bethany, there were no masks today; "I'm not stupid or blind, Bella' I walk this path with my eyes open"

"Do you remember what I said to you the first night we slept together here, at the estate?", Hawke asked.

"It wasn't always about what I wanted...", Isabella said.

Hawke moved quickly, far too quickly, pressing her gently against the wall, her lips hovering just inches away, still clasping the pirates hand in her own and wrapping another gently around her waist. Hawke moved closer, her lips brushing against Isabella, teasing and tasting the dusky woman, as if savouring the flavour before moving in to kiss her proper; at first gentle and timid holding onto Isabella as if she wasn't sure she was real, playing this over in her head a million times, hoping but not believing this would ever happen; her heart had ached for three years for this. Hawke deepened the kiss as Isabella began to return it, Hawke moving her hands lower onto the Rivaini' backside, lost in passion and fire. The kiss, the body language, the touches, the way she looked at her screamed loudly all the answers Isabella could ever need, ever asked, washing away her own doubts and fears, She knew, with absolute certainty, never had Hawks eyes wandered from her in all this time.

Hawke continued with gently touches, stroking her hands up and down her body up to her breasts, Hawke was an like open book to her they often shared more with looks, kisses and small gestures of understanding than most people could in a life time of conversations. When all words failed,

Hawke smiled wearily as she pulled back from the kiss, her face still only inches away, close enough that Isabella could feel her hot breath on her lips still, Hawke looked tired, Isabella wondered what on earth the elf had her doing.

"Maker I've missed you, I've missed this", Hawke says easily as she leads the woman to the bed, sitting down on it and guiding the bronze skinned pirate to her lap gently, Isabella offered no resistance as she wrapped and arm gently around Hawks neck stroking the back of her head, earning a contented purr from her lover.

"Promise me something Hawke", Isabella asked; "Promise me you won't do anything stupid?"

"Stupid does kind of follow me around like a puppy", Hawke replied.

"I'm a sailor...", Isabella said pausing; "There is a storm coming to Kirkwall, I feel it in my bones"

"Don't go dying on me for some silly misguided noble cause or out of a sense of honour?", Isabella said.

"I have no intentions of dying just yet", Hawke said stroking her hand down Isabella's back. "Not when there is so much more fun to be had"

**End  
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